Joke # 1 Are you a Democrat, a Republican, or a Southerner? Here is a little test that will help you decide. The answer can be found by posing the following question: You're walking down a deserted street with your wife and two small children. Suddenly, a Terrorist with a huge knife comes around the corner, locks eyes with you, screams obscenities, raises the knife, and charges at you... You are carrying a Kimber 1911 cal. 45 ACP, and you are an expert shot. You have mere seconds before he reaches you and your family. What do you do? THINK CAREFULLY AND THEN SCROLL DOWN: Democrat's Answer: Well, that's not enough information to answer the question! What is a Kimber 1911 cal. 45 ACP? Does the man look poor or oppressed? Is he really a terrorist? Am I guilty of profiling? Have I ever done anything to him that would inspire him to attack? Could we run away? What does my wife think? What about the kids? Could I possibly swing the gun like a club and knock the knife out of his hand? What does the law say about this situation? Does the pistol have appropriate safety built into it? Why am I carrying a loaded gun anyway, and what kind of message does this send to society and to my children? Is it possible he'd be happy with just killing me? Does he definitely want to kill me, or would he be content just to wound me? If I were to grab his knees and hold on, could my family get away while he was stabbing me? Should I call 9-1-1? Why is this street so deserted? We need to raise taxes, have paint & weed day. Can we make this a happier, healthier street that would discourage such behavior. I need to debate this with some friends for a few days and try to come to a consensus. This is all so confusing! ............ ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ........ ......... .. Republican's Answer: BANG! ............ ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ........ ...... Southerner's Answer: BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG ! BANG! BANG! BANG! Click..... (Sounds of reloading) BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! Click Daughter: 'Nice grouping, Daddy!' 'Were those the Winchester Silver Tips or Hollow Points?!' Son: 'Can I shoot the next one?!' Wife: 'You are NOT taking that to the Taxidermist!' |
Joke #2 Subject: Truck Driver ....... ....... ....... ....... ....... ....... I was sitting at a stoplight yesterday, minding my own business, waiting on it to turn green. A carload of young, loud Muslims, shouting anti- American slogans, stopped next to me. the light changed, the Muslims shook their fists, hit the gas & darted off ahead of me. Suddenly an 18-wheeler came speeding thru the intersection & ran directly over their car, crushing it completely. For several minutes I sat in my car thinking to myself, "Man, that could have been me!" ....... ....... ....... ....... ....... ....... ....... ....... So, today, bright & early, I went out & got a job as a truck driver.............. |
| Jokes just for fun |
Joke # 3 Ruger is coming out with a new pistol in honor of Senators and Representatives. It will be named the “Congressman”. It doesn't work and you can't fire it. |
| Voting for Obama ? Try this instead. |
| Joke #4 WOMEN A real woman is a man's best friend. She will never stand him up and never let him down. She will reassure him when he feels insecure and comfort him after a bad day. She will inspire him to do things he never thought he could do; to live without fear and forget regret. She will enable him to express his deepest emotions and give in to his most intimate desires. She will make sure he always feels as though he's the most handsome man in the room and will enable him to be the most confident, sexy, seductive and invincible... No wait...Sorry. I'm thinking of whiskey. It's whiskey that does all that . Never mind. |
Gun wisdom this is not a joke A. Guns have only two enemies rust and politicians. B. It's always better to be judged by 12 than carried by 6. C. Cops carry guns to protect themselves, not you. D. Never let someone or something that threatens you get inside arms length. E. Never say "I've got a gun." If you need to use deadly force, the first sound they hear should be the safety clicking off. F. The average response time of a 911 call is 23 minutes, the response time of a .357 is 1400 feet per second. G. The most important rule in a gunfight is: Always win - cheat if necessary. H. Make your attacker advance through a wall of bullets . . . You may get killed with your own gun, but he'll have to beat you to death with it, cause it'll be empty. I. If you're in a gun fight: 1. If you're not shooting, you should be loading. 2. If you're not loading, you should be moving, 3. If you're not moving', you're dead. J. In a life and death situation, do something . . . It may be wrong, but do something! K. If you carry a gun, people call you paranoid. Nonsense! If you have a gun, what do you have to be paranoid about? L. You can say 'stop' or 'alto' or any other word, but a large bore muzzle pointed at someone's head is pretty much a universal language. M. You cannot save the planet, but you may be able to save yourself and your family. If you believe in the 2nd Amendment, please forward. |
COFFEE HURTS I was eating lunch on the 20th of February with my 6-year-old granddaughter and I asked her, "What day is tomorrow?" She said "It's President's Day!" She is a smart kid, so, I asked her, "What does President's Day mean?" I was waiting for something about Washington or Lincoln, etc. She replied, "President's Day is when President Obama steps out of the White House, and if he sees his shadow we have one more year of unemployment." You know, it hurts when hot coffee spurts out your nose. |
| AN ACTUAL CRAIG'S LIST PERSONALS AD To the Guy Who Tried to Mug Me in Downtown Savannah night before last. Date: 2010-09-27, 1:43 a.m. E.S.T. I was the guy wearing the black Burberry jacket that you demanded that I hand over, shortly after you pulled the knife on me and my girlfriend, threatening our lives. You also asked for my girlfriend's purse and earrings. I can only hope that you somehow come across this rather important message. First, I'd like to apologize for your embarrassment; I didn't expect you to actually crap in your pants when I drew my pistol after you took my jacket.. The evening was not that cold, and I was wearing the jacket for a reason.. my girlfriend was happy that I just returned safely from my 2nd tour as a Combat Marine in Afghanistan .. She had just bought me that Kimber Custom Model 1911 .45 ACP pistol for my birthday, and we had picked up a shoulder holster for it that very evening. Obviously you agree that it is a very intimidating weapon when pointed at your head ... isn't it?! I know it probably wasn't fun walking back to wherever you'd come from with crap in your pants. I'm sure it was even worse walking bare-footed since I made you leave your shoes, cell phone, and wallet with me. [That prevented you from calling or running to your buddies to come help mug us again]. After I called your mother or "Momma" as you had her listed in your cell, I explained the entire episode of what you'd done. Then I went and filled up my gas tank as well as those of four other people in the gas station, -- on your credit card. The guy with the big motor home took 153 gallons and was extremely grateful! I gave your shoes to a homeless guy outside Vinnie Van Go Go's, along with all the cash in your wallet. [That made his day!] I then threw your wallet into the big pink "pimp mobile" that was parked at the curb ..... after I broke the windshield and side window and keyed the entire driver's side of the car. Earlier, I managed to get in two threatening phone calls to the DA's office and one to the FBI, while mentioning President Obama as my possible target. The FBI guy seemed really intense and we had a nice long chat (I guess while he traced your number etc.). ;In a way, perhaps I should apologize for not killing you ... but I feel this type of retribution is a far more appropriate punishment for your threatened crime. I wish you well as you try to sort through some of these rather immediate pressing issues, and can only hope that you have the opportunity to reflect upon, and perhaps reconsider, the career path you've chosen to pursue in life.. Remember, next time you might not be so lucky. Have a good day! Thoughtfully yours, Semper Fi, Alex |
Please be advised I am sick and tired of receiving questions about my dog who mauled six illegal aliens wearing Obama tee shirts, four wearing Pelosi tee shirts, two rappers, nine teenagers with pants hanging down past their cracks, eight customer-service-desk people speaking in broken English and three flag burners occupying a public park. FOR THE LAST TIME... THE DOG IS NOT FOR SALE ! |